she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize