Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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