piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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