If i come over, it means nothing
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
