is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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