my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
