Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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