Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
