the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
