That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
