You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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