If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
