After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
