She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
