There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
