Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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