I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
