physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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