I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm always down for nudity.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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