U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This house was built for laser tag.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
