Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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