If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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