That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
