If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
