evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was born a porn star she said
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
