Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
