Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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