Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
