Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
