tell your sister to shave her snatch
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
