dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
