Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
