I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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