The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
