It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
