so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
