I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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