You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
