now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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