so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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