Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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