i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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