Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize