If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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