He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
