i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
