i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
