Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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