Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
