The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
