What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
