Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
