Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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