I smell stomach acid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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