So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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