omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
