Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
