I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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