He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
