apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
