I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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