He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
