i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
