I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
