All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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