Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
