Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
