Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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