It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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