my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize