where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
