we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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