I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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