Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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