she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize