Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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