Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I didn't notice because vodka
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
