The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
